


Cut Up the Same

by EllOnWheels



Series: Drag Me Up From Down Here [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bot Feels, Dum-E still has PTSD, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slow Build, Stony - Freeform, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony is still sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 10:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5244269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllOnWheels/pseuds/EllOnWheels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set directly after The Rubble or Our Sins: Steve drags Tony out of the tower, and back to the upstate Avengers HQ for some TLC, after Tony spilled about what really happened in Afghanistan. Our boys continue to really get to know one another, Rhodey's mom makes her presence known via menacing baked goods, and Dum-E thinks he's seen a ghost. </p><p>Basically: Fuck it. I'm fixing this thing... Slow-build Stony.</p><p>Warnings for referenced past child neglect/abuse.</p><p>Reader will need to read at least part 2 of this series for this to make sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cut Up the Same

**Author's Note:**

> This whole thing came from a couple of Tumblr prompts, including this one: From this prompt on Tumblr: http://imaginestony.tumblr.com/post/124782271519 "Imagine Tony telling Steve the whole story about Afghanistan."
> 
> Warnings for references to past child abuse and neglect.
> 
> You will need to read Part 2, The Rubble or Our Sins, for this to really make any sense.
> 
> Side note: I am overwhelmed by the warm response this series has received. Thank you all SO much for the comments and kudos on the previous installments. I've been going through a hell of a dry period lately, and writing this has got my mind turning over again. It's a breath of fresh air to be able to bang out 16,000 words like it's nothing again. Many thanks to all of you.

_"Let it out, let me in, take a hold of my hand_  
_There's nothing like another soul that's been cut up the same_  
_And did you wanna drive without a word in-between?_  
_I can understand, you need a minute to breathe_  
_And to sew up the seams... after all this defeat" _  
Handwritten - Gaslight Anthem__

Tony pulled the unmarked black van into the garage and shop area at the new Avengers facility. Steve was grinning in the passenger seat. The reason for that was the excited beeping from Dum-E between his and Tony's heads. "Yeah, yeah, cool your jets, ya bucket of bolts." Tony said, though Steve could just barely make out the naked affection in Tony's voice.

Dum-E for his part came forward and looked around Steve's shoulder cautiously. Steve raised his hands and pulled the bot gently toward his chest in what he hoped would be a reassuring gesture. Steve laughed gently. "Don't worry, buddy. You'll like it here. Rhodey's here." Steve said. Dum-E raised his grasping claw a little, brightening at the prospect, and let out a beep with an ascending, questioning note.

"I already explained it, Dummy. Quit playing Rogers for attention." Tony admonished.

"I think both of you could use a little more attention. Might make you demand less of it." Steve observed. Dum-E veritably melted around Steve. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Traitorous bot." Tony said and shifted the van into park. Dum-E swung his claw back to Tony and stroked his dark hair, which Tony had, through neglect it seemed, allowed to get long over the past few months. It had started to curl around his ears like it did with Bruce, though the dose of Extremis Tony had in him had ensured that he had much less grey in it now. Tony didn't immediately swat Dum-E away, but rather allowed him to take reassurance from his contact with Tony. During the drive, Dum-E had been very good about not touching Tony while he was concentrating. But when they had stopped at a rest stop, Dum-E had exhibited nervous behaviour until Tony had returned to the driver's seat, and clung to him for a few moments.

Steve was sworn to secrecy that he had seen how Tony had patted and reassured the bot, and promised that he would never actually donate him to a city college, and the reason he was even in the van was that Tony wanted his oldest friend around. And if Dum-E didn't trust Tony on that one, he could trust Steve's word for it. He explained that they were taking a short break, and that when they arrived at their destination, Dum-E would have a wireless connection with Butterfingers and U back at the tower. He also promised that he would bring them up if they stayed more than a couple of weeks, but that space in the van had been limited.

The rest of the van was taken up with Steve's newest Harley, servers for installing FRIDAY, a charging dock for Dum-E, a couple of sets of specialty tools, a case of spare parts and projects, the most recent Iron Man armour, restored and battle ready, and much to Steve's surprise, a single, moderately-sized suitcase of clothing and personal items, and one garment bag with three suits. Tony travelled light, in his own way of course.

Tony had been quiet on the way up. Not unfriendly or cold, just quiet. Like he honestly had no idea what he was supposed to do or say, and that the default of silence had been trained into him, most likely by Howard. The more he learned about the kind of man the elder Stark had become, the more Steve wanted to go back in time and slap some sense into Howard. But Steve let Tony be quiet. Letting him have a period of reflection after ripping himself open like Tony had, seemed to be natural. So Steve let him be quiet, and rambled a bit on and off. He told Tony and Dum-E things that he and Bucky used to get into growing up poor in Brooklyn. More than once, Tony had broke into a genuine, easy, smile and let out a subdued laugh.

Now though, in the garage of the new facility, Tony was losing his easy silence and becoming more wary again.

As if on cue, Rhodey appeared at the driver's side window. His expression was serious concern. "Here we go." Tony murmured, and then reluctantly opened the door. "Honey bear!" He exclaimed and smiled. Rhodey's expression didn't change. Instead he held up a box wrapped in plain brown paper, and tied up with twine. Tony's fake smile fell and a vague aura of fear settled on his features. "Momma Rhodes?" Tony asked meekly.

"Addressed to you. Sends her regards." Rhodey said. "Note said that you're to call her at your earliest convenience... I didn't tell her. She just _knew_. The box was still warm when it arrived here this morning, Tony."

"I'm a dead man." Tony whined and collapsed over the steering wheel. Dum-E immediately started patting Tony's shoulder.

"Yes, you are. And I'm gonna get caught up in the blast zone." Rhodey paused and sighed. "Look, if she goes on the warpath, the only way we'll get through this is together."

"I get the feeling I'm missing some context here." Steve said.

"About thirty years worth." Tony said. He was gently thumping his head on the steering wheel now. "I'm sorry I got us into trouble with your psychic mother... I swear it's only getting worse as she gets older."

"Don't worry about it. She'll forgive us. You forget how much she adores you... She DID send you biscuits, man. I can smell them from here." Rhodey said.

"You don't know that, sweet tart. They could be Schrodinger's Biscuits. At the very least, they're heaven tasting guilt bombs that will explode in a cloud of remorse when exposed to gravy or butter." Tony said. Dum-E was still patting him on the shoulder.

"Quit that. Both of you." Rhodey said. "Yes that means you, Dummy. Up top, buddy. Good to see you. Been too long." Rhodey held out his hand, palm facing Dum-E, who proceeded to give him a high-five. Tony's head came to rest on the steering wheel.

"I missed you, Tony. I wish you would have called." Rhodey said. There was no malice or accusation as there might have been in the past. Which Tony figured meant that Rhodey had called his mother after the arrival of the package, and she would have given him what she'd noticed. She would have observed Iron Man's absence from the Avengers, and Tony's absence from the media, and that Pepper Potts had been spotted alone in Parisian art galleries while at a conference for tech companies. Mrs. Rhodes noticed these things so easily that it almost appeared to be supernatural. But Roberta Rhodes was far more Sherlock Holmes than Amazing Kreskin, and that is what Tony and Rhodey feared and respected. She had facts to back up her deductions and was rarely off by much.

"I wouldn't have known what to say... I don't... Since Afghanistan, all I've tried to do is change my life and world for the better, and all I feel like I've actually done is fail at everything... And I don't want to have this conversation sitting in a transport van with Dummy poking at me, and Steve looking like a kicked puppy because of my insecurities." Tony said. Rhodey placed the box on top of the van, and reached in and around Tony, and gathered him up.

"Come on, man... Let's get you settled. And then we're going to call mom, or more likely, she'll call us, and try to convince her to not pile her and dad's aging bones into a vehicle and come up here." Rhodey said as he hugged Tony. Steve smiled a bit, and unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Dear god no. If they want to come, I'll threaten to send the jet to Philly for them. She hates when I do that." Tony mumbled into Rhodey's chest.

"Well it's her fault for having a son that's done so well for himself." Rhodey said, and Tony laughed quietly.

"Missed you too, Rhodey."

"I know. Come on... Let's get you unpacked and settled, and feed you. I can feel your ribs man. We've talked about this. On pain of my mother's wrath, I will be putting some protocols into FRIDAY for meal reminders."

"Yeah, okay."

 

In order for Dum-E to be near them on the drive, he'd had to be loaded first, and so he was the last off the ramp, with Tony gently guiding him to terra firma. His new, sturdier, rubber tires, which would allow for easier travel on multiple surfaces, squeaked as they hit the polished concrete. "Come on, bud. Straight on. That's it." Tony said.

"Thought we'd put you across from Steve and next to me." Rhodey said. "Where do you want Dummy's charging dock?" Tony hesitated for a moment and looked at his feet.

"Just, wherever you want me to bunk is fine." Tony said. Rhodey grinned at Tony's devotion to the bot. Steve picked up the piece of equipment, and Tony grabbed his suitcase and put the garment bag over his shoulder. He followed Steve and Rhodey placidly, answering Dum-E's inquiring beeps for explanations of their surroundings.

Steve took pride that Tony trusted him enough to show his affection and attachment to Dum-E now. Steve had overheard Tony speaking to the bot as if he were an old friend back before Ultron had emerged. It was then that Steve had found out that Dum-E had a long memory, and not only that, had lingering trauma from when Tony's Malibu home was destroyed. The man and bot had become more visually attached since then. Dum-E would seek Tony out when he was worried, which Steve found endearing, and Tony pretended to be annoyed by. That being said, Tony never sent the bot away. Not from Stark Industries board meetings, not from Avengers 'family' dinners and movie nights, and during the 4th of July fireworks, he'd stayed down in the soundproof shop with the bots, playing Frisbee.

The bedroom they put Tony in had obviously been left for his use. It was on the corner of the building with huge windows looking out over the tree line, and extra space for a workbench and holo-table. "This... This is nice." Tony said as he set his suitcase and garment bag. "You didn't have to save the corner office for me."

"More room for private work space." Steve said with a shrug. "The rest of us for the most part train and just crash out in our rooms. You though, well, I'm starting to get a good idea of the hours you keep, or don't keep. It'll be nice to have you close so that you don't get lost in the shop." Tony met Steve's eyes and smiled at him, endearing but baffled, and nowhere near the epitome of sexual desire that he could create when he wanted to.

Tony could almost smell the snarky comment that Rhodey was about to make, when Rhodey's phone went off. His old friend sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Right on time... Hey Momma." He said. "Yeah, you were right. He's here... I love you too, momma. Here ya go..." Rhodey held the phone out. Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he put his hand out for the phone, it trembled just a little. Looking at Tony's hesitation, Rhodey narrowed his eyes. "Is it back?" He asked.

"Yeah... Since Ultron... When I'm not somewhere familiar it flares up... I-I can do it. I can do it." He said the second time and steeled himself. Despite the trembling, he took the phone from Rhodey's hand but nearly fumbled on it. He steadied himself, and Rhodey moved in close, putting a hand on Tony's shoulder.

"Good man, you did great." Rhodey said, and Tony smiled at him, that same endearing, slightly lost look. Tony took another breath and held the phone to his ear.

"Mrs. Rhodes, how are you, dear?" Tony asked in the same bright voice he had attempted to greet Rhodey with. Steve couldn't make out the words exactly, but the voice on the other end of the line made Tony still completely. He put his free hand over his eyes. "I know. I'm sorry I-" He paused. Rhodey liberated a box of tissues from the windowsill, and set them down on the bed. Tony looked at him, his eyes already wet with tears. Rhodey raised his eyebrows, and pointed at his own feet, and then pointed to the door. Tony pointed to the door meekly. "Give me a chance to explain." Tony said into the phone. Rhodey went over to Steve, gently took his arm, and guided him to the door.

"Let's go get him a coffee and a sandwich of that chicken salad I made. They're probably going to be a little while." Rhodey said.

"But he's-" Steve said, feeling very protective of Tony after he'd opened up about Afghanistan.

"I know momma Rhodes, I should have called... But I felt... So guilty. So alone. I know I'm not... I know you love me. I know they care... But I feel like everything I've touched since Afghanistan has gone to shit." Tony said and let out a long breath.

"He needs to talk to the closest thing he's got left to a mother... Maybe the closest thing he's ever had to a mother. He'll be fine. She'll help him get his thoughts in order. We'll come get him in a bit." Rhodey promised in a whisper. "Dummy, look after him, would you?" The bot's claw nodded up and down eagerly.

 

Sam was in the kitchen, having come back from a run, and was drinking directly from a jug of orange juice that was labeled in Sharpie with the words: THE JUG BELONGS TO BIRD BOY 2.0: THIS TIME HE'S BIRDY-ER, and had a Hulk themed biohazard sticker on it. All of this was courtesy of Clint, who had been in and out since the birth of the baby.

"Good to see you back, Steve." Sam said.

"Hey Sam. Good run?" Steve asked, and started pulling out supplies to make a few sandwiches. Rhodey set about putting the coffee maker on.

"The trails here make for a better workout with the uneven terrain. It's great." Sam said and grinned, taking another slug of the juice. "How's Stark?"

"Rough.... Pepper left him and he's dealing with years' worth of trauma all at once it seems. He told me about Afghanistan, really told me... It was bad. Worse than I ever thought. And we haven't even got to what happened to Obadiah Stane yet." Steve said. Rhodey tensed up.

"How much did he tell you?" Rhodey asked.

"He said he'd never told anybody about it before. I'm assuming with the exception of JARVIS perhaps. He... I don't know if I should tell you." Steve said and sighed.

"Steve, if he's fragile, then it would be helpful to know his triggers. Do you honestly think any of the three of us would ever judge him?" Sam asked patiently. Steve nodded and smiled at Sam's instant acceptance of Tony's difficulties, and his lack of fear about them.

"He remembers the operation to remove what shrapnel could be removed. They used ether as an anesthetic. He remembers the bones of his chest getting cut out... And what the really awful thing is, is that isn't the worst of it. He woke up with an electromagnet in his chest attached to a car battery. No one can ever force him into submerging his head in dark water because they used a rough version of water boarding, which had the side effect of severe electric shocks to his chest... He watched three young soldiers get killed trying to save him. He made a friend of a fellow prisoner in the caves, the one who operated on him, and watched him die too, while trying to help Tony escape... Yinsen. He said his name was Yinsen."

"I watched those kids die too... It... It was one of the worst fucking days I've ever had... I caught a bunch of shrapnel in the thigh and was down... I've heard Tony say the guy's name when caught up in a nightmare." Rhodey said. "After we found him and picked him up, he couldn't sleep for more than a few hours, and every time he woke up, he was hollering his name."

"How was Stane involved? Do you know, Rhodey? Even SHIELD's files that I have clearance for say that he was in a plane crash." Steve asked. Rhodey paused and looked at the other two seriously.

"This doesn't leave this room. You don't know unless Tony tells you. No Fury. No one at SHIELD. Nobody else on the team. Got it?" Rhodey asked. Both Steve and Sam nodded solemnly. 

"When Tony figured out that Stane was doing back door deals to terrorists, Stane incapacitated JARVIS and then Tony, and pulled the arc reactor out of his chest. Tony managed to crawl down to the workshop where he had the first reactor stored, thanks to Pepper preserving it as a souvenir. Apparently Dummy helped Tony recover it when he collapsed on the floor and couldn't get any further. Stane had been building a suit, based on the recovered remains of the Mark 1 armour, and he tried to kill Tony with it. Tony had to kill Stane. Had to. Total self-defense. And even then I think Tony would have been fine with Stane going to prison, but he threatened Pepper. Tony said the casual way Stane leveled the threat implied a scary level of lack of human feeling and compassion." Rhodey said. "I covered up the fight as a training exercise, and then as a malfunction of the arc reactor at SI's factory. Coulson helped with that... They played up the accident as a breakthrough in the arc reactor tech, and it caused SI's stock to skyrocket... And then Tony stepped out of the iron closet live on TV."

"I remember that. Guys down at the VA didn't believe it for a long time. Thought he built the suit, but not that he was inside it. The G-Force he must endure alone is incredible. You too, Colonel." Sam said.

"There are a lot of fail safes in the suit. Pressurization, shock absorption, all the bells and whistles. JARVIS was the best back up plan that Tony had though. If he passes out, JARVIS, and now FRIDAY I guess, takes over until he comes around. Tony flies a lot harder than I do because he knows the limitations of the armour. I tend to use it thinking of the limitations of the human body, and more in terms of operator safety, like someone with a lifetime of military protocol trained into him would." Rhodey said.

"Like me with my kit." Sam said.

"Where do we get these wonderful toys?" Rhodey mused.

"I, for one, am going to hug Dum-E. He actually saved Tony's life?" Steve asked.

"That's the story Tony told me after I found him on the workshop floor... That robot has been around longer than I have. I don't know what Tony would do without him." Rhodey said.

"To be honest, I am looking forward to meeting our toy builder." Sam said and chuckled.

"Just... Give him a chance to get being a rich asshole out of his system if that's what he does to you. He might not because he's always been pretty good with respecting members of the military, so long as it's not the top brass... But it's his natural self-defense until he learns he can trust you." Rhodey warned.

"My mother is great for getting him out of that headspace. She saw through his masks and walls from the moment she met him. She said that Howard must have been a shit parent, and that Maria was probably absent, to make Tony the way he was. This was the first Christmas after Edwin Jarvis died, and Mrs. Jarvis left to be closer to remaining family. I dragged Tony home with me to Philadelphia for the holidays, and my momma called Tony on his bullshit, and he broke down in her arms. It was the only time I saw him cry after his parents died, and I think that was more for Mr. Jarvis than anything. He loved Tony a lot I think, and Tony loved him back. It's because of him that Tony wasn't ruined by his upbringing... And by New Year's Eve that year, Tony was... Different. To my mother at least. It was like he could be softer around her. Not cowed or bullied, just... like she'd stripped away all that conditioning that Howard put him through." Rhodey said, and smiled faintly at some distant memory.

"The more I hear about what Howard became, the more I want to sock him in the jaw during some elaborate USO style show." Steve said and sighed.

"That war made a lot of men hard, Steve. Losing you contributed to that for Howard... And Tony will publically defend Howard still, despite the changes to Stark Industries. It's a weird thing where he loathes and idolizes Howard at the same time. You're aware of the obsessive streak the passed on to Tony. How do you think Tony comes up with enhanced battle suits or viable A.I.s capable of sacrificing themselves to save the world? It's terrifying and wonderful." Rhodey said.

"That it is. I don't think the world's ever seen anybody like Tony Stark. We might never see another one." Sam said.

"Yes, I promise." Tony said as he strode into the industrial kitchen. His eyes were red, but they were dry, and there was a tissue sticking out of Tony's pocket. "...I do. I promise to not forget who's on my side. I-" Tony looked up and saw Steve, Rhodey, and Sam. Sam, as the unknown quantity, made Tony hesitant. "Look, you know my emotional brain leaks out in strange, obsessive ways. I'm really sorry if I caused you any distress."

In the near-silence of the kitchen, the voice on the other end of the line was clearly audible for a moment. "Oh I don't think so, son. You are NOT apologizing for finally dealing with this and needing help to do so." Mrs. Rhodes said. Tony cringed a little.

"I - Okay. Okay." Tony said.

"Let them take care of you. Let yourself talk to them. It's going to be okay. It's safe there. You can trust them... Now, are you in the kitchen? I bet that nice Rogers boy has made you something to eat. Go eat. Have a biscuit too. Rest. Talk. I'll call you tomorrow on your phone around this time."

"Yes, momma Rhodes." Tony said obediently.

"I love you. Tell my other boy I love him too."

"I will."

"Eat something. Bye, my sweet boy."

"Bye." Tony disconnected the call and handed the phone back to Rhodey. "She sends her love." He said. He now had a faint blush to go along with his red-rimmed eyes.

"Good talk?" Rhodey asked.

"Easier than I thought it was going to be." Tony said.

"You know she adores you. Me though, I'm the big brother. She's gonna kick my ass for not watching out for you."

"I've already negotiated it down to a single kidney punch each, and both of us being there for Christmas this year, hell or high water." Tony replied.

"Ah, you're a good little brother." Rhodey said. Tony rolled his eyes.

"There's only five years between us there, Methuselah." He retorted and rolled his eyes.

"Perfect age for a baby brother. Now come on, I've spent all this time making coffee and watching Rogers make you a nice looking sandwich there." The plate was on the stainless steel counter, just out of arm's reach of Steve, Rhodey, and Sam. Tony eyed it carefully and just confirmed to Rhodey how badly his trust phobia had set back in, and was possibly worse than ever. "I cooked the chicken myself, Tony, made the filling. Momma's recipe. I watched Steve make the sandwich. It's okay." Rhodey said calmly. Tony finally nodded and took the plate in his hand, running his other hand over the bottom of it in a practiced way. The motion was not lost on Steve or Sam, and Steve was so relieved to have Rhodey present. Having someone who knew how to deal with Tony's needs intimately was a huge asset.

Tony looked to Sam to provide a distraction from his obvious weirdness. "Sam Wilson... I'm so sorry I never had the time when you were in active service." Tony held out his hand purposefully, trying to project normalcy. "You did a hell of a job learning the tech though. It never would have been as successful as it was without you, particularly because I always considered it unfinished. You and Riley were wunderkinds."

Sam reached out and shook Tony's hand. "Thank you, Mr. Stark."

"Tony. Please, call me Tony."

"Well then I'm Sam." Tony grinned, and it wasn't his exactly media smile. He still looked bewildered to be were he was, but he was coping and trying to reach out. Tony was under no illusions that the team hadn't been forewarned about why Steve was bringing him here. But he wasn't sure about Sam yet, exemplary military service or no, good reference from Steve or no. He'd been conditioned to appear normal and untouchable. It was bullshit. Tony knew full well that he was a walking catastrophe at the moment. But those conditioned responses and obsessions ran deep.

So to keep up appearances, he took a seat at the counter on a stool and tucked into the sandwich earnestly. He did smile genuinely at the first bite, recognizing Mrs. Rhodes' recipe for a simple chicken salad. He glanced up at Steve and Rhodey after he swallowed. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Steve said and grinned wide. Rhodey and Sam exchanged a meaningful look.

"So, Steve texted that you want to install FRIDAY here. Where do you want to set her up? There are multiple server rooms now, but she can go anywhere, really." Rhodey said.

"The bedroom is fine. I sleep a little better if I have white noise. Have to get ventilation and the proper filtration going though.

"There should be enough to get set up at least... We can start on it after your done eating. And no saying you're done now. Mrs. Rhodes' orders." Rhodey said and grinned.

"Your mom is a drill sergeant. No wonder you went into the military." Tony said around his next bite of the sandwich.

 

Tony was through the sandwich, had polished off two of Mrs. Rhodes biscuits, and was on to a strong cup of coffee when a shrieking beep came from somewhere out in the hallway. Tony slammed the mug down suddenly, and part of the contents splashed on the counter. In the same motion, he was off the stool and running out of the kitchen. Rhodey went over the counter in a leap, and was hot on his heels. "Dummy! Dummy!" Tony shouted at the top of his voice, which caused Steve and Sam to follow. They made it in time to see Tony make a complicated hand motion, setting off the same sensors in his body that brought the suit to him. Tony had been secretive about them since being dosed with Extremis. He knew that the idea of them scared most people. Whatever problems he had with them initially had been worked through it seemed though. "Over here buddy!" Tony shouted again, heading toward the source of the squeal. The panicked bot's tires made a squeak and left a mark on the floor as he came around the corner of the hallway. Tony skidded to a halt in front of Dum-E, his expensive sneakers also squeaked on the floor.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Tony asked as the bot did his best to wrap around him. The noise only got worse for a moment, all notes he could make were firing at once, a panicked sob. "Dummy, eyes up to me." Tony said firmly but calmly. He reached out and touched the pressure sensitive plates on Dum-E grasping claw. The bot's arm and camera angled up to look Tony in the face. Tony continued to gently touch the pressure places. Dum-E's panicked response quieted. "Are you all right? What happened?" The beeps and squeaks started again and Dum-E's camera gestured to the hall leading back toward the living quarters. Tony's eyes followed Dum-E's motion and his gaze came to rest on the Vision, walking purposefully toward them, with what could only be described as a devastated look on his face. Wanda was close behind him.

"I see." Tony said softly. Dum-E shuddered, but relaxed slowly. "He sounds just like him, doesn't he?" Tony said, and gave Vision a sad, fond, smile. The bot let out an agreeing note. "You're not wrong Dummy. I didn't lie. JARVIS is gone, at least, how we knew him. He reached out to you, didn't he? Felt you over the wireless connection." Tony said. Dum-E repeated the agreeing sound. "His code feels familiar, doesn't it? And that startled you." Dum-E nodded this time.

"Remember when I told you about Ultron? When I came home and explained why JARVIS disappeared from our network? I told you then that JARVIS sacrificed himself for us, and this is result of that. JARVIS and his code became part of Vision. This is Vision... I should have explained their similarities to you. I'm sorry you were scared by him." Tony said. Dum-E curled his grasping claw into Tony's shirt and shuddered again. Tony wrapped his arms around the bot.

"It's okay. I know. I miss JARVIS too. You remember the day I brought him online? Remember how he was all unfinished code and queries? How we, and U and Butterfingers all helped him understand the world? I couldn't have done it without the three of you. You taught JARVIS how to learn, how to question, and how to draw conclusions. And you, my oldest boy, taught him empathy, and affection and joy. Because we all know he got his snark from me. Remember how happy we were there for a while? I know I don't say it often, but you guys are probably the reason I made it past 1991. As much as I gave you purpose, you gave me purpose... And now, all that hard work lives on in Vision. I hope that anyway. The form has changed, but I hope all those good things live on." Tony said. His voice was barely above a murmur.

"I remember." Vision said. Tony and Dum-E both looked over to him. "I... I think I do. I remember code... And chess. I remember playing chess." Tony put a hand out and steadied himself on Dum-E's chassis. He'd set Dum-E to playing computer chess against JARVIS in the early days, testing his strategy skills, and the speed at which he could make calculations. It was before JARVIS had sensors of any kind, and long before he had that glorious voice.

"I'm sorry if I frightened you, Dum-E. I felt you and I was... compelled... to make a connection." Vision said. Dum-E pulled back from, and then up and over Tony, looking Vision in the eye. Tony didn't move, trusting Dum-E to be mindful of him. Dum-E brought his claw in close and touched Vision on the forehead, next to the Mind Stone. Vision remained still, the apertures of his eyes scanning for more details. When Dum-E pulled away, Vision followed the bot's movements, but this time Dum-E curled protectively over Tony's shoulder, watching Vision warily.

"Dummy, it's fine. He won't hurt either of us." Tony insisted as he gently tugged the bot to give him some space. Dum-E turned to Tony and let out a forlorn noise. "But it hurts. I know... I miss him too. Come on, buddy. Let's go connect FRIDAY's servers." Tony made the motion to step out from Dum-E's embrace and around Vision.

"Mr. Stark." Vision said. Tony's eyes locked on Vision's.

"No... Not yet. I believe you are a force for the highest good. I am so proud that I can claim to have created any part of you. You're an incredible, improbable being and I am in awe... But Dummy and me, we're still in mourning for JARVIS. He was so entrenched in our lives; it was like getting the arc reactor ripped out all over again. I don't blame you for that. We all owe you our lives. Ultron would have overrun us without your help, and that would have been my fault... But I'm not doing so well these days. I'm hurting, and I'm trying to deal with that in a healthy way for a change. I do want to know you in the most desperate way. I want to have fantastic philosophical and scientific discussions with you... But just... Not yet. Let me mourn my friend. Let me mourn my son. He and the bots are the closest thing to having children that I'd ever want... I just need more time. When I can look at you without my heart breaking, we'll talk. And it'll be epic. Until then, I'm sorry." Tony said.

Wanda tensed up, as if she might speak, but remained silent. Vision's eyes drifted closed for a moment, and cast his face downward.

"You don't know... You don't realize that I'm mourning for a life I cannot remember. I think about you and the bots and I feel... warm. Affection. But I have no context. There are no details or memories. I cannot help but feel as though I've had the most important part of me stolen away." Vision said. Wanda's hand went to her mouth, but still she remained silent. "I know there should be a wealth of, a true abundance of experience of... family. Perhaps love, even... And all I have is an all encompassing blank where the reasons for these feelings once was... I was hoping that you could help me fill in the gap, sir." Vision said. It was the 'sir' that broke Tony. His face crumpled and he stepped in close to Vision, and touched his cheek lightly. When Vision didn't protest, Tony pulled him into an embrace.

"Oh for the love of shit, would you call me Tony finally?" He murmured. Vision leaned in and placed his arms around Tony lightly.

"Of course, Tony. I'd be delighted." Vision said. Tony laughed quietly, mainly due to emotional exhaustion. It had been a few Russian novel kind of long days in that regard. His body was near it's physical limit, and he was having a hard time keeping his emotions in check. He needed a distraction very soon to avoid breaking down again, especially if part of Vision remembered even a scrap of being JARVIS. That was more than he could have ever hoped for, and he was glad Steve had been brave enough to speak up about it.

"Come on, I really do want to get FRIDAY up and running. She'll keep me up to date on SI goings on that Pepper will no doubt be hounding me about." Tony said.

"I thought you agreed to come here to take some time off, Tony." Steve said.

"To a degree, yes. But I am not the type to be idle. She'll hound me, and if I don't do something, I'll get bored. It works well for both of us. She's now my ex, Steve. But she's still my CEO." Tony said heavily. "But it'll be easier to be away for a bit. Let me focus on the work again, and so Pepper and I can learn to be friends and co-workers again."

"She's staying on then?" Rhodey asked.

"Of course. Unless she wants to leave, but I'll fight to keep her in the job. She's the best CEO Stark Industries has ever had. Everyone who deals with her fucking loves her. Obie was efficient, but a money grubbing douche, and that was fine for a weapons manufacturing business. But as you may remember, we don't do that anymore... Pepper Potts is the appropriate CEO for a cutting edge tech company. She makes me look a lot less like a 0.01%er asshat for a couple of reasons. She's female, which looks great for my personal and the company's image among the younger, more liberal-minded people who buy SI's products, and because I chose her based on merit and competence, not who was proverbially sitting in the boardroom the longest, waiting and willing to suck my dick." Tony started walking back to his bedroom, and on the way past, he playfully grabbed Vision's pinky finger, who yielded and followed him, sharing a quirky smile. "I mean she was... And never mind. That's gonna head into over-sharing territory real fucking quick." Dum-E beeped and tapped Tony on the shoulder. "I know, bud. See? He won't hurt us. He's not who we knew, but we can get to know him all over again. We'll work it out, I promise." Dum-E grasped the hem of Tony's shirt in his claw and started following Tony back to his bedroom.

"That is the weirdest family portrait I have ever seen." Wanda said softly once they were a few steps on.

"Sure is." Rhodey said with a big grin on his face, as he snapped a photo with his phone.

"Send that to me?" Steve asked.

"You got it, Cap."

"And the Avengers Instagram account. That needs to happen." Sam said. Wanda suppressed her laughter and amazement at what she'd just seen.

"I told you." Rhodey said to her quietly. "You see? That's who Tony is. Incredible privileges, yes... But he's a good man. He's trying to do right."

"I see. I see his mind now." Wanda said smiling, though her eyes were still sad. "I can read the robot." She said.

"Really?" Rhodey asked, surprised.

"I could not read Ultron, but I can read this Dum-E, as I can read Vision."

"What do you see?" Rhodey asked.

"Love. Loyalty. Wonder. Affection." Wanda said, and shook her head slightly to free her concentration.

"Come on, Dummy's gonna love you." Rhodey said, and gestured for her arm. She smiled at him sweetly and took it.

"Rhodey! Ya coming? Let's build old MacStark's server farm!" Tony hollered from the end of the hallway.

 

Vision turned out to be invaluable when it came to running power and data lines through the floors and walls. Tony stood back, with a rare poleaxed expression, watching Rhodey direct Vision as he phased through solid matter to fish the lines. "That is so fucking cool." Tony said.

"It really is." Steve agreed.

When the work was mostly over, Sam and Steve retrieved drinks for everyone while Wanda played fetch with Dum-E, using a ball recovered from Tony's luggage. Steve noted that Tony carefully chose a Perrier instead of a beer. "Think I'm gonna dry out for a while. I've come to the conclusion that it's not a good idea when I'm like this." Tony said simply and shyly.

"I hear ya on that." Sam agreed. "I always try to avoid it when things get too rough. It's a bad solution." He held up his brown long neck, and Tony clinked the green Perrier bottle against it. Steve glowed with unspoken pride and warmth. The interaction with Vision had left them all a bit stunned. He'd heard rumours of and seen the odd glimpse of Tony's heart when it was open, but today it had been on full display, and it made Steve want to cradle it forever. He understood so much better now how Howard's neglect and harshness would scar Tony's psyche so badly... Bad enough to turn him into the Merchant of Death for twenty years... Until that heart of his was torn wide open again by shrapnel and the guilt of countless lives already lost.

But here he was, shy and open, trying to hold himself together, and fighting against the urge so people could see him for what he was. Wanda was largely silent, preferring to interact with Dum-E, who took a shine to her, and in particular seemed to like stroking her hair. Though her eyes lit up when FRIDAY's lyrical lilt, that reminded Steve of everyone in the tenement building he grew up in, filled the room. "How do you do it, Stark?" Wanda asked him suddenly. "How do you make minds?"

"I just... Teach them the way I would have wanted to be taught." Tony said softly.

"You are... Nothing like I thought you were." She said eventually. Tony sighed.

"You don't know how much I needed to hear that." Tony replied. "Thank you." Dum-E beeped happily and played with Wanda's scarf.

Everyone took their leave soon after, stating the need for dinner. Tony made sure to give Vision another quiet hug before he left, claiming it was socializing him to touch like he had the bots. Vision tolerated it, with his usual strange little smile on his face, like a reluctant, but not unwilling cat might. It made Wanda laugh lightly, and Tony thought it was nice to see her smile. She'd had enough sadness for a few lifetimes already.

Steve lingered though, sitting on the bed, with a leg up, in socked feet. "Hey, Tony?" He asked. Tony looked over to him from his spot on an easy chair, still nursing his bottle of Perrier. "You can tell me to shut up or leave or whatever... But I have a question."

"What's up, Cap?" Tony asked.

"You said earlier, about getting the arc reactor ripped out again... I assume you're not referring to when you had it removed."

"No, I wasn't." Tony admitted. "You remember my paranoia over it? You remember my trust issue?"

"Yeah... The thing with the phone and the plate today." Steve said sheepishly.

"It's okay Cap. I am not unaware of it. I have a phobia. It's gotten worse since I've been alone. It started when I was pretty young. Dad... Pulled an old mechanic's trick to their apprentices on me. He handed me a bolt that was just off red hot, not that I knew that, and claimed it would be too heavy for me to carry."

"Jesus." Steve said. "How old were you?"

"Uh, it was after he'd made me drink whiskey a few times, so six, maybe? Seven at the latest. I've blocked a lot of that time period out... Except for Jarvis." Tony said. Steve's jaw set and he steeled himself for what was most likely coming. "Anyway, I was much younger than the usual victim of that prank, so the burn covered most of my palm, and I had to have it bandaged for over a month. But at least young skin heals quickly... In his logic, it wasn't a bad idea. It was a good lesson in questioning your surroundings and resistance training. Which, I'll admit came in handy when I was kidnapped a few times. Pain is a very good teacher." Steve bit his tongue and refrained from voicing his objection at the idea of multiple kidnappings, let alone one. Tony noticed Steve's strain and gave him a gentle expression.

"I was a rich guy's kid. Easy target for ransom. The first time they took me, I was at a charitable event with my mom, and one of the wait staff handed me a flashbang style device. Completely disorienting. But my captors didn't count on two things. One was that my father absolutely refused to pay any ransom, no matter how tearful my mother was about it. I think I would have had a decent relationship with her if it weren't for Howard's... issues... coming between them. But let me tell you how much that cuts into your self-worth as someone's child, when you have proof positive that your dad really doesn't value you at all... And the other thing other thing they didn't count on was Edwin Jarvis training me to work my way out of knots when tied up, and how to pick locks of all kinds, which he passed on to me from Aunt Peggy. Kidnappers don't check kids for lock picks, you know? By the time the cops found me, I was in the process of sneaking out of the building on my own." Tony said and shook his head.

"People talk about my recklessness like it's not something I was raised into. But you can only have a gun held to your head, metaphorically and literally, so many times before it no longer phases you. My adrenaline junkie status is hardy surprising." Tony said and let out a breath. Steve slowly got up from the bed and went and knelt in front of Tony. He'd been biting his tongue, wanting to rage at how wrong and misguided Howard had been. But he knew that if he did, Tony would either clam up or defend Howard. Steve held out his hands, palms up, and Tony looked them over like they were alien creatures.

"Move locations? Come over to the bed and lie down with me?" Steve asked softly. Tony sighed but put his hands in Steve's. Steve took him over to the bed, and waited for Tony to toe off his sneakers. They settled face to face on the bed, on top of the covers, and Steve held Tony close, like he'd done in the penthouse, feeling the other's breath and heartbeat.

"You know what the worst part was?" Tony asked.

"About the kidnappings?"

"No, I can deal with being on my own. I know, I don't have to now. That's a nice change. I meant about Howard."

"What?" Steve asked.

"Having to watch when Howard did the hot bolt trick to the young guys at factories or young engineers at the labs and workshops. It's a pretty typical hazing thing among mechanics, and all sorts of guys do it. But Howard never really understood how much power he had over people's livelihoods. They had to put up with it in order to keep their jobs. It wasn't always a hot bolt, but the effect was the same. I wasn't allowed to say anything, and I had to watch. I got a reputation for taking the same cold glee in it that Howard did. Truth was, if I piped up and warned the victim, I'd get called a pussy, and get worse when we got home. I hated those trips. All they ever did was make me cut the profits for myself and the shareholders after I took over, so that SI employees could have better access to health and childcare benefits, and to make sure that SI's safety record is one of the best in the world... It was a fucked up method, but I hope I learned the right lesson from it." Tony said.

"I'm so glad you learned how to be good despite everything, Tony. You're a good man despite what your dad and Stane tried to make you into. My father used to drink his paycheck, come home and lay into my mom. All it ever did for me was give me an inability to back down from a fight... But he wasn't a giant personality like your dad. He never tried to teach me a goddamn thing, thankfully. He never tried to make me into anything, since he figured I was a drain on the family, and would be dead soon enough anyway. I was less than nothing to him. I was never so glad as when he disappeared for the last time. One day he just didn't come home. Ma never even bothered searching for him. The neighbours kept it quiet too. The Irish tenements were pretty isolationist like that. Ma figured that all it would lead to were funeral costs she couldn't afford." Steve said.

"I can't imagine living like that... I always feel sort of ridiculous standing next to you." Tony said.

"Don't Tony. It doesn't make what happened to you any less valid. Yeah, I grew up tough in a world that predated the Polio vaccine... Did you know they gave me that one and others when I came out of the ice just in case? Seems silly, but they did... You want to know how I survived Brooklyn during the Great Depression and what gave me my resolve? It was other people. My ma, my neighbours, and Bucky most of all... You said to Dum-E that he's part of the reason you made it this far in life. I actually had an advantage over you, Tony, because I didn't have to build my safety net from scratch. I was poor, but I wasn't alone. I can see why you have such a hard time trusting other people when you've never been able to rely on them before."

"I trusted Obie... Right up until he paralyzed me temporarily with banned tech and ripped the Mark II chest piece out of sternum... I was aware for that too." Tony said.

"Shit, Tony." Steve murmured.

"I know, right? Even when I found out how fucking sleezy he was, doing black-market deals right under my nose, I thought I could handle him. Thought I had it all figured out... I was so... proud. So ignorant. So sure of myself. I'm not sure of anything anymore... Except for the bots, and maybe you and Rhodey." Tony said.

"That's a good place to start." Steve said. He looked into Tony's eyes. The lines on his face were smoother, thanks to Extremis, though not gone completely. He'd said it had been a calculated move on his part. He'd been a baby face for much of his young life, and liked the gravitas that the wrinkles brought.

"But I can't trust myself it seems. After Obie ripped out the arc, Dummy managed to help me get an older reactor back in my chest, and then I brought the fight to him. Which I had to do, but it was so stupid. I knew I was probably in over my head when I busted in on Obie about to use excessive force to kill Pepper. He could have broken her neck with a single smack from the armour he'd built. But no, he had guns out, ready to make her into a fine mist. Because he knew he could play on my guilt, knew he could make me think it was my fault... Hell, he made me think his death was my fault for a long time." Tony stopped, as if realizing that for the first time. "I'm not making a lot of sense here... You're not asking questions. How much of this did Rhodey tell you?" Tony reasoned suddenly.

"A bit. The basics... I'm just trying to understand what really happened, and not what SHIELD's files told me... You know I have a tendency to overreact, Tony. So I asked Rhodey to give me the gist, so I could really listen to what you had to say about it." Steve said. Tony smiled and closed his eyes.

"He's as bad as his mother, that one." Tony said. "I'll get him back for that later."

"You're not angry?" Steve asked.

"No. Because it's you, and because you won't try to take advantage of having that knowledge."

"Now you're getting it." Steve grinned.

"What a pair we are, huh? You with anger issues to match the Hulk. Me with anxiety and inferiority issues to give Loki a run for his money." Tony said.

"But we're both good people. And one thing I've learned from Sam is that our issues don't define who we are. We both want to do what's right." Steve said. Tony's eyes opened again, the air between them was suddenly thick and fraught with intention. Tony ran his hand down Steve's arm.

"Is this right?" Tony asked. He ran the tip of his tongue over the back of his lower lip.

"It could be." Steve replied.

"Is it wise though?"

"Oh, probably not. But when has that ever stopped me? I was 98 pounds of gristle when I first hit on Peggy Carter." Steve said. Tony smiled and laughed quietly. Steve leaned in, his lips grazed Tony's forehead.

"Brave man." Tony said.

"And stubborn, and a bit stupid. But I mean well." Steve said.

"You are so far from stupid, Steve. Though it does beg the question, why me? Why now?" Tony asked.

"Because for a long time after coming out of the ice, I thought all I had were ghosts and shadows. I was convinced that I missed the life I was supposed to have. Peggy, Bucky, and the rest, they're a rich past that I can look back on fondly. Took me a long time though, to adjust to that idea. To evolve for the future I wasn't ever meant for. But you, the Avengers, this place, it's my now, and probably my foreseeable future. I want to be an active participant in the future again. I want to see what the world will come up with next. I want to be with someone who cares for the world as much as I do... I know how you look at me Tony, I looked at people the same way for so long... Like it was nothing I could ever have, let alone deserve... We have our differences, but in some ways, we're so similar I have to remember to keep breathing. Because yes, you're a futurist, a genius billionaire, a philanthropist, though I have my doubts about your playboy status nowadays... But even though you hide it, you care, Tony. You hold out hope that this world is going to make it. You make me laugh, you smartass son of a bitch. There hasn't been a lot for me to ever laugh about. But Bucky did it back then, and you do it now. What's not to love about all those admirable qualities?" Steve said, and placed a soft kiss on Tony's forehead.

"Oh my god, I could fuck you through the mattress right now." Tony said, curling into Steve, who tightened his hold on Tony.

"Not yet." Steve said. "We both have things we should probably work on before we do that."

"I know, I know." Tony said. He groaned audibly and then sighed. "But that was the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me, Steve. Holy shit."

"I've been told I'm good with the speeches." Steve said, and Tony laughed.

"Some day I am going to make you orate while I suck you off, I swear to fuck." Tony said.

"Promise?" Steve said.

"Goddammit, Rogers."

"Hey boss? Colonel Rhodes keeps on calling me and telling me to inform you to drag your ass down for food, or so help him, he's sending in momma Rhodes as reinforcements." FRIDAY said sheepishly.

"Oh for fuck sakes. We were having a moment here." Tony said with a whine.

"Sorry boss. I really am." FRIDAY said.

"Cockblocked by an A.I. ... At least the future is interesting." Steve said, and kissed Tony on the top of his head.

"You and modern slang are not allowed to meet. No. It's... No."

"Some futurist you are. Come on, let's stuff you with carbs and fats." Steve said, getting up. He offered Tony his hand, and beamed at the lack of hesitation Tony had as he took it.

-End

**Author's Note:**

> The hot bolt thing IS indeed a prank among mechanics. My dad, a mechanic for 40+ years tried it on me once when I was a child. Lucky for me though, he had told me the story before and I didn't fall for it. Dad always called me the smart one after that.


End file.
